why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
