remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
