Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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