her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
