Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
