it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
