wat bout pragnant strippers??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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