Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
