We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
