Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
