I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this boner is exhausting
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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