uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
