I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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