this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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