some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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