I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
