Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
