I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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