id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
