Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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