i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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