ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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