that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
