i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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