No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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