Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
