Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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