i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
