I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
