We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
