woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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