it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
