its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
