Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
