I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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