a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
