i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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