Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
