Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
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He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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