Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
