coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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