I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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