She said her name was "party"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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