Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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