sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do vagina's smell?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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