you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
