I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My life is pants optional.
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