insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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