ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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