Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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