my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
