nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Houston, we have a blender
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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