Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
