Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
