This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My penis needs a shock collar
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
