omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize