I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I looked at my own cervix.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
