Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
