Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
