You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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