im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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