ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
