You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
