Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize