tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
