i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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