Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something