i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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