i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner