I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
