I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.