Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis