Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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