So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
