Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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