I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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