i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial