I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF